What you see, and what you don't

When the Ellen video circulated on social media (you know, the one where she justifies her friendship with George W Bush and sitting with him at a ball game and tells people to be kind), people outraged. Some of the criticisms levied against Ellen made sense: she’s privileged, rich, and rather insulated. All of these are true. But along with these criticisms came declarations, like: “I will never be friends with a war criminal. I will never support someone who treats people badly. I will never side with bigotry in any form.” It’s these righteous declarations that I want to talk about. 

Simulacra, an idea created by Jean Baudrillard, is when things and symbols and language don’t reflect our actual, lived reality, and instead, replace it. (It’s a strange and complicated idea, and if you want to read more, I recommend reading his actual books, but there’s also this summary.)  Declarations like “I will never support, befriend, aid, assist, side with, etc.” are obviously untrue. People interact with so many people in any given day, how can anyone possibly know the full range and breadth of another person’s ideologies or lived experiences? Let’s say you’re a college teacher. You’ve been teaching for five years. With four classes a semester, 25 students to a class, that means you’ve taught a thousand students. Now consider that 1 in 4 women are victims of sexual assault. You’ve absolutely taught women who have been raped. But what about the rapists? You’ve taught them, too. You’ve given them feedback on their papers. You’ve met with them in your office. You’ve answered their emails. You’ve helped them. You’ve given them support. 

If you’re not a teacher, you’re not off the hook, either. Think about customer service that you provide, people you work with, the parents of your children’s friends. Think about the kids in your child’s classroom. Do you think all of them come from happy, healthy, functional families? And do you confront that, or do you look away?

Ah, but that’s all different. How can you know? Ellen certainly knew who George W. was. That’s true, and that’s a reasonable point. But I’m far more interested the act of making the declaration itself. “I will never support/befriend/etc. . . .” seems to be a declaration that equates to “I am not that kind of person. I am not someone who supports these actions or beliefs.” But what if you are? If you don’t know who someone is, shouldn’t you be responsible for finding out? If Ellen is responsible for her knowledge, aren’t you responsible for yours? Do you get a pass because you “didn’t know?” 

I’m not sure there’s a good answer here. But I do think that these sorts of declarations hide an uncomfortable truth. We are not innocent. We are not free of complicity. And when we pretend that we are righteous, that we don’t know or don’t support or don’t engage with people who have done terrible things, we are complicit in hiding those deeds and those doers. In creating the simulacra. In fostering the fairy tale that we have something to be righteous about. But what these declarations really say is “I didn’t see it when it was directly in front of me.

Not exactly something to be proud of.